Chapter 14
Colossians 3 Verse 13
Be gentle! Do you sense Paul repeating himself? Why would he do that? Perhaps he knows that there are certain truths that he needs to remind us of again and again. Think for a moment, if you are a parent. Your child is refusing to share his/her toy with another child. You explain to them how wrong it is to be so selfish. You will never have to say that to them again!!! You will have to repeat that in many different ways and context. Why? Because your child needs to learn, and learning never comes easily. The same is true in education – no teacher in their right mind would expect that one lesson would be sufficient to explain any aspect of their subject. A good teacher would come back with a variety of approaches to imbed their teaching in a young mind. Paul returns to gentleness. Because gentleness is part of the nature of God and is a necessary aspect of godliness. Do you want to be more like Jesus? You need to be more gentle! I need to be more gentle!
How does this challenge me? I think in this instance I have to begin with myself. I need to be more gentle with myself. What do I mean by that? Before I can be gentle I have to receive gentleness and be gentle with myself. Listen to what the Bible has to say about gentleness.
The book of Proverbs commends gentleness in our speech, “A gentle answer turns away anger…”
What is the writer trying convey? First of all, it is obviously an answer or reply to a question or a situation. A person can ask us a question and we can be “short” with them. It may be because we are tired, impatient or simply feel that the question is too stupid or obvious to deserve a reply. Whatever our reason, motive or excuse, we put another person down by the way we respond. How do you and I feel when we are treated like that? Angry? Of course we do, even though we may not show it. Whatever, the outcome of behaving in this manner is only going to cause division and resentment.
Think about the consequence of our action when we behave in this way. We are causing another person to feel hurt – that is a sin on our part. We are causing another person to be angry – that too is a sin on our part. We are causing that person to lose respect for us and that will make it difficult for that other person to take us seriously again – why should they? It causes division that is hard to recover. I remember someone doing this to me at a large meeting when I asked him what I considered a sensible question. His put- down humiliated me. Every time I hear him speak I judge him on the basis of that situation and find it very difficult to respect him or take him seriously. To be honest, even after all these years he is still a self-opinionated, harsh- tongued individual who is known for his lack of gentleness. No matter how gifted he is [and he has considerable intellectual gifts] much of the potential impact of his ministry is lost because of his lack of gentleness and thought for other people.
What are we to do when we behave in this manner? Immediately seek the other person out and apologise and try and minimise the pain and hurt we have caused. Do not try to justify yourself.
To speak and act gently is to relate thoughtfully and with positive regard for other people. It is to see the person and to regard them as someone that the Lord loves and takes seriously. It means to look beyond their immediate behaviour and circumstances and love them. John Wesley and a preacher-friend of plain habits were once invited to dinner where the host's daughter, noted for her beauty, had been profoundly impressed by Wesley's preaching. During a pause in the meal, Wesley's friend took the young woman's hand and called attention to the sparkling rings she wore. "What do you think of this, sir, for a Methodist hand?" The girl turned crimson. Wesley likewise was embarrassed, for his aversion to jewellery was only too well known. But with a benevolent smile, he simply said, "The hand is very beautiful." Wesley's remark both cooled the too-hot water poured by his friend, and made the foot-washing gentle. The young woman appeared at the evening service without her jewels, and became a strong Christian.
Just the other day a friend of mine was mindlessly attacked and seriously assaulted. It was hard not to feel angry and to want get a hold of the young people who did this to him and deal out a little rough justice. That is the feeling. But, I remember how David Wilkerson used to keep coming back to Nicky Cruz, despite his violence and threats, and keep telling him that Jesus loved him. For every word of violence and every violent act, David spoke with gentle encouragement. What was going to change Nicky? Was it to be another expression of violence or persistent gentle words that reminded him of the love of Jesus? I found that very thought beginning to transform my anger and I began to pray for the boys who had done this to David. I even began to wonder if anyone had ever prayed for them before and maybe this happening to my friend brought God into their world. Who knows! The truth is that I spoke to my Father about them and felt a gentle spirit return to my soul.
We are to be gentle with our words but we have got to receive the gentleness of Jesus. He says this to us in Matthew’s gospel, “Come to me all you who labour and are heavy laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.” [13 verses 28 and 29].
Jesus was a carpenter and he would have made many yokes in order for people to place them on their oxen, when they were working them. He knew that if that yoke did not fit properly the ox would be uncomfortable and sore – it would add to the burden of the animal.
Life can be a burden. How do I cope with it? What do Jesus and God expect of me? I am expected to contribute to life and labour for the Kingdom of God – what does that mean and involve? I believe that I often miss the mark in my understanding of Jesus. He is not a hard task master. He stands with the yoke and asks that I bow and take it on my shoulders, and as he stands with the yoke he says, “I am gentle and humble and this will bring rest for your soul.” What is this yoke that brings rest for my soul?
First of all it is a yoke. Too often I have lived my life like a wild free animal, not bowing for the Master. This freedom is no freedom at all. It is a freedom to do what I want, with little regard for the mind and will of Jesus – it inevitably leads to bondage. I was never meant to be free. I always find my meaning when I am with and in Jesus. I feel valued, loved and life has a purpose and direction. To have no yoke is not a sensible option because it only leads to being lost and too often in the Christian life we end up lost.
Second we put on a yoke of religious activity. Is this the yoke of Jesus? Not at all, it is one of our own making or the suggestions of other people. What does this yoke look like? It is the person who puts themselves under pressure to conform to the standards of a group of people and fit in with what they are doing and believing. We adopt the standards and beliefs of the group and are not permitted the freedom of personal opinion lest we deviate from the beliefs and patterns of that group. It is like living in a prison. The person who puts on this yoke is taking a man-made burden and placing it on their shoulders. For a while it feels ok and then becomes burdensome because it does not fit.
Thirdly there is the yoke of personal expectations. We set standards and expectations for ourselves that are impossible. We construct our own personal yoke. We read the Bible and put ourselves under pressure to conform perfectly to the laws of God and the teachings of Jesus. We really believe that this is what God wants, but it becomes a heavy burden to us. Why? Because often we are simply trying to plough the field in our own strength and this is not what Jesus asks of us. We forget that Jesus says we are to “abide in Him” and that “without Him we can do nothing”. We forget that it is not a lonely slog that we are called to, but to work with Jesus and within a body of people who belong to Jesus and who gain strength and courage from one another.
Fourthly there is the yoke of Satan. He may take and use elements of the previous three yokes. His whole purpose is to lie to us, deceive us and discourage us. He comes to us with the yoke of hopelessness. You and I know that there are times when we let the Lord down. We might speak out of turn and hurt someone’s feelings. We might be harsh and judgmental. We might do things that are inappropriate for a Christian – this list goes on. The Deceiver comes in and tells us what failures we are and this must be how our Father regards us. He encourages us not to pray, read the Bible or get back up on the road of obedience because we are not worthy of such things. He places a yoke of lies, deception and discouragement on us.
But then there is the yoke of Jesus. I find even as I think of this, a warm feeling of grace and encouragement in my soul. The good and gentle Lord comes to us and asks us to bend before him and take his yoke. What does it comprise of?
It is a yoke of grace. I have nothing to prove to Him because he has proved Himself to me. He comes and assures me of His acceptance of me in love. A love that has always been and always will be.
It is a yoke of tenderness. He does not put the yoke on me because he wants to use me, but because He wants to include me. The Kingdom does not stand or fall by me and my contribution – the humble yoke assures me of my significance but also points me to the sufficiency of the Lord. He does not need me but he still wants me to walk with him and use me.
It is a yoke of mercy and forgiveness and great understanding. He puts this yoke on my shoulder and as he does another, far heavier, burden is lifted. I fell and now know the release of a forgiven person who is embraced by the love of the One who is placing this yoke on my shoulder.
It is a yoke that is perfectly and uniquely made for me. I do not have to be anyone else. I am loved by the Lord uniquely for who I am. He has planned my adoption and in love has prepared a unique place in his heart and in his Kingdom for me. He is even preparing a special place for me after I finish this life. I am to rejoice in who I am and in the gifts I have – I am not to wish I was someone else or to be jealous of the gifts others have – that is their yoke and it will never fit me because it was never meant for me.
When we come to Jesus he takes that personally-made yoke and gently lays it over our shoulders and we sense the soul-refreshing gentleness of Christ in our lives.
The principle area for gentleness and forbearing in our lives is within the fellowship of the Church. Paul describes a situation where there may be a grievance or a complaint between individual believers or groups of believers. I was just going through the names of people who are on the membership roll of our church and yet have not been for many years. In many cases the conversation went something like this:
“Why are the Martin’s not coming to church?”
“There was a strong difference of opinion between them and one of our elders and we have never seen them since.”
Now the reason for some people leavening the church may be a difference of opinion with the minister, the leadership or an individual within the church, but it is sadly a pattern that is found often in churches. Paul says that if we are in a position of dispute we must never allow the level of the dispute to rise to the extent where division takes place. We must always take the place of Jesus, where he was patient and gentle [in most cases] where there was a dispute.
I can see the steam rising in some people as they read this: “But you do not understand how badly I was treated and how deeply I was wounded by that other person, or the church!!”
But I do! I have been there often and I have sometimes responded badly. I have licked my wounds and sought revenge. I have threatened to leave the church. I have not acted with grace and patience. I have been there so often, until the Lord has finally got through to me that in all adverse circumstances even when I have been deeply wounded by someone I have loved and respected, there is only one answer, “readily pardon each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also forgive.” I cannot argue with these words but so often I do. Let us look at the progression of what Paul is saying – and Paul is speaking from the perspective of many wounds from different churches:
- There will be a time or times when you and I will be on the receiving end of ungracious behaviour or words from another Christian, or even from a group of believers – that is without doubt.
- We must be realistic, the Church is made up of sinners and we cannot expect perfection.
- The wound we receive [and in some cases, give] might be very deep. It will cause us to “grieve” and we will feel a very real sense of loss.
- We will want to complain and get our situation put right.
- Irrespective of the circumstance we are asked by Jesus to initially be gentle and patience with those who have hurt us – remember the gentleness of Jesus on the Cross towards those people who crucified him and the crowd who mocked.
- We are to pardon the person who has wronged us – no exceptions allowed here.
- We are to offer and show forgiveness and to root that in the forgiveness we have already received from God.
The Lord asks us to travel the difficult road, but ultimately the right and renewing road of grace at all times in all things.
Verse14
There is one thing that stands above all else in prominence in the Christian faith and that is love. Paul says that it stands above gentleness, forgiveness, kindness, humility, patience, mercy, and so on. Indeed all of these graces exist because love is prior to all of them.
We are told by Paul in Ephesians chapter 1 that we were chosen and predestined in love. Even though God knew we would fall into sin, he still chose his people before the foundation of the universe. This was no arbitrary choice – he did it in love. He chose us to be his children, his people, the objects of grace, forgiveness and mercy – and he did all of this because he loved us before we were ever born – way before that. There was never a time when he did not love us.
He predestined us in love. He has prepared a glorious destiny for us. Jesus tells us in John’s Gospel that he is going ahead to prepare a place for us and that he will come back and take us to be with himself. There is even now a work of preparation going on so that on the day of our death [glorious departure] from this world, we will waken up to the most magnificent and wonderful surprise as Jesus open the door and reveals to us the glory of what he has been preparing for us. Think of those who have loved Jesus and gone on through death into the Kingdom of God. They have moved into an incredible state, prepared for them by Jesus – at the moment of their death, the Lord came for them and brought them to this prepared glory. They would never in a million years want to return to this life. Why do they have this wonderful destiny? Because of the deep, unfathomable love of Jesus.
The quality, diversity and eternity of God’s love in Christ stands far above all else in the universe. Love is what defines him. Yes, he is a great God, who is holy, perfectly just, true, eternal, and so we could go on describing his attributes. But love is what prefixes every attribute and defines his relationship with his people. Little wonder then that Paul tells us that love is above all else.
What is love?
It is a commitment to be like Jesus.
It is a commitment to Jesus’ Church, with the desire to do and be whatever it takes to seek the unity and well-being of the people of God.
It is a personal commitment to show love in all its different aspects to God, my neighbour, my brother and sister in Christ and my enemy. It is to grasp the essence of 1 Corinthians 13 and ask the Holy Spirit to help me put these principles into practice.
I am told by Paul that love is something that I am to put on. As with the same practice and commitment I put on my clothes every day – and deliberately chose what clothes will fit the circumstances of that day – so am I to consciously and deliberately clothe my life in love. It is not just a good feeling I am to have, which on good days will be there. It is a determined commitment, even in the worst of days that the love of Jesus Christ is what will distinguish itself in my life.
Not only am I to put on love, but I am to “enfold myself with the bond of perfectness.” But what is the bond of perfectness and indeed what does perfectness mean?
It means wholeness or completeness. Love is the essential grace, that when lived out consistently binds together all of the other graces of the Christian faith. Lightfoot says that “Love is the outer garment which holds the others in their place.”
It is possible to have some or many of the Christian graces and for love to be absent – for it not to be the great motive behind living out the Christian life. The Church in Ephesus was warned that there was much conformity to the Christian life, but that they “had lost their first love”. It was not love to Christ and love for other people that was the highest motive in everything that they did. They were showing kindness and charity out of duty but not from heart-felt compassion and love. Their religion had become one of law and duty. It is possible to forgive someone but not to do it out of love or indeed want to feel any love for the person we are forgiving. We do it because it is right and because we want to be seen to do the right thing and even congratulate ourselves that we have been so virtuous as to forgive – but not out of love for the Lord and the person concerned.
We can immediately see why love makes all of the other graces complete:
- I forgive in love and it makes the act both humble and sincere.
- I show mercy in love and the act of mercy has no ego in it.
- I show compassion in love because I genuinely care about the person concerned.
- I show kindness in love because I realise the great kindness of God to me and the love that underpins it.
- I am patient in love because the patient love of God has filled my life and humbled me.
- I am prepared to suffer in love because the outcome of my suffering will be for the good of other people.
Love makes everything about me tender and full of grace. Every day I must ask the Holy Spirit to fill me with the love of Jesus and only through this can I become a whole, complete, perfect person in Christ.